NEWSLETTER: MARCH NEWLETTER Welcome and I am glad you are visiting our site and newsletter, it is with pleasure that I introduce Maryann Schumm from U.S.A. who visited this site and has become a regular email friend and colleague. If you have a contribution you would like to make, whether an article, poem, feedback for the site I welcome it, please email me with the details on: pbcwa@iinet.net.au. Yours the Editor Street Smarts and Street Safe By Maryann Schumm - Florida Street Smarts and Street Safe includes a variety of techniques and behavioral modification. To be safe is to be smart. To be smart means not taking risks that put you in danger. Street smarts means realizing that most people are good but not all people are trustworthy. People need to earn our trust and we need to earn theirs. Individuals who do the wrong things and encourage others to follow their actions are not trustworthy. They have a reason for wanting to harm themselves and others. People who paint unrealistic pictures or tell lies to get our attention are not trustworthy. People who ask us to lie are the least trustworthy of all. There are good secrets and there are bad secrets. A good secret is a surprise birthday party for your friend. A bad secret is not telling your parents, teacher, clergyman, doctor or a trusted adult that someone is asking you or forcing you do to something wrong. Often these bad secrets are accompanied by threats of violence against you, your family, pets or your friends. These secrets must be told immediately. The sooner the person with the bad secrets must account to responsible adults the sooner the bad secrets will end. If the person forcing us to do bad things or keep bad secrets is an adult we live with it is even more difficult to tell the truth about the situation. The person is sick and needs help that only other professional adults can provide. In time the sick person will realize that you did them a very big favor by telling the secret. It is important for you to talk to a school guidance counselor or professional counselor. The secret can make you sick if you do not share it with a person who can help you understand that you are good and the actions not the person who wants you to keep a secret is bad. Unfortunately children who are forced to keep secrets grow up to be adults who force children to keep bad secrets. Would you want to hurt and upset and cause someone to feel the way that you do? That is way it is so very important for you to speak to a professional or someone on your network who will listen to you and help you take action. Remember that children all over the world face the same problems as you do. We grow us thinking "I'll never be like him or her. I hate them." Then one day you will grow up and you will recognize that you are asking someone to keep a bad secret. This is one of the reasons adults do stupid things like drink too much and use drugs. Talking to strangers is not a bad thing. We must select the strangers we talk to with care. We could never make a friend if we did not talk to strangers. When talking to strangers personal information, like your address and phone number should not be given out. If the person starts asking questions about who lives in your house and when they are home you can politely say "I choose not to answer those questions." The person may be sneaky and reframe the same question trying to get you to answer. You can end the conversation and walk away any time you want too. No is an answer. It is ok to say no. You have the right to say ‘NO’. What happens if the person grabs you? Naturally you will be frightened. Never yell help and always yell fire. Fire gets the attention of other people. They will call the fire department or police. There will be lots of noise, sirens, flashing lights, people and that will scare the person away. What happens if you can't get away from the person? Keep in mind that no matter how mean your family may sometimes seem, they love you and will always look for you and will always ask the police to look for you. To tell someone one "I'm going to tell my mom or dad and they are going to call the police on you" is a great though but an unwise thing to say. Sentences like that make the person afraid and they will harm you. You can make a decision to lie in the moment and tell the truth later. In a situation like this it is ok to lie and promise not to tell anyone. It will help you to escape from the situation. There is always a way to escape. You have to take your time, stay clam and plan your move. If you learn Protective Behaviours you will have practice at ways to deal with unsafe situations, this could really help you with being prepared, we call it What if’s? So lets pretend you are the main character is a mystery story. You know the secret to escape, you have a plan and when the time is right you carry your plan out. Even though you may be frightened act brave. Notice ever detail about the person, how tall are they, do they have a tattoo, what color eyes, hair? What are they wearing, what do they eat? Is there a particular smell associated with the person. Imagine what they would look like if they had a beard or mustache. Is there a place they talk about? You are playing detective and gathering all the info you need to tell your mom and dad and the police. Everyone has to sleep and go to the bathroom sometime. Can you gain the persons trust? Can you reassure them that you will not run away or call for help? If so that will help you to escape. It will give you the freedom and the time you need to get away. You may only get one chance to escape. Plan it carefully. Once you have escaped what will you do next? If you are in the woods or desert you will need to look at the sun and know if you have to go east or west, north or south. In the desert you need to find shade during the day. Even if you are scared be very still pretend you are a statue and focus on your breathing. We all have intuition. Let your intuition guide you in the right direction. Do you remember any sounds or sights when you were brought to this place? Getting home is like being on a slide. Your climbing up the stairs. And then you slide down. You climbed first, sliding down is the reverse of climbing the stairs. You can use this same strategy to get to safety. If the person turned right you need to turn left. If the sun was shining in your face in the morning it needs to be shining on your back in the morning when you leave. Have you ever wondered how animals can find their way across many miles and get home? They use their instincts. They don't know if they went right or left they know that it was hot or cold, if there were trees or a road, if there was the smell of good or a river. Children can do many things that adults can not. Children can hide under cars, under furniture, and climb trees a lot faster and better than an adult can. Children notice many things adults to not and children generally have much better imaginations than adults. You can use these gifts and talents to keep you safe. If you feel that someone is following you go to a crowded place, go to someone and ask for help. Do not go home or be alone. Tell someone who works in the store or is charge of the area to call the police because you feel you are in danger. Say it like you mean it. Don't be afraid to look silly or stupid, it’s "OK" to declare a personal emergency. The police can apprehend a possible suspect quicker if you are there to give them details. Remember that the people from Protective Services are there to help you and the person who is hurting you. If your friend broke their arm or were in the hospital you would want them to get well. The person who is hurting you is sick and deep down inside they want to be well. You can help them get well by calling Protective Services or telling a person you trust from your network. A person from Protective Services can help all of you if you give them the chance. You can call yourself (you can do it) and speak to someone. Tell them what is happening and they will help you. Remember that there is someone who prays for you every night. You are not alone even if you feel alone. Ask for help and you will get it. Maryann K. Schumm was the director of a crisis intervention team in Florida, USA. She holds a black belt in Shorin Ryu Karate-Do. Maryann researched, developed and taught programs in Kidnap Prevention and Women's Self Defense in New York and Arizona, USA. Maryann currently owns the web site http://www.new-mind.com or email at maryann@new-mind.com